


In your hair there is a symphony, your lips a string quartet

by stultiloquent



Category: Black Mirror (TV), Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso | Your Lie in April Fusion, M/M, Major Illness, Musicians, Notfic, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 17:32:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18969781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stultiloquent/pseuds/stultiloquent
Summary: How effortlessly Colin handles the violin and makes music come to life on those strings, the way he'll squint a little at Stefan just before laughing softly at something Stefan said, and the night they just ambled aimlessly around the street where the pubs and bars are, and Colin had draped his jacket around Stefan's shoulder when he shivered because Colin was looking at Stefan too and paying attention.This is an AU where instead of gaming and programming, the boys' creative forte manifests in the form of performing/composing classical music.A standalone synopsis / not-fic.





	In your hair there is a symphony, your lips a string quartet

**Author's Note:**

> I'm too tired and time-poor these days to commit to big long AU chaptered fics, but this idea gripped me suddenly, 2 nights ago, and I made some people sad and angry with my decision to write this AU, so naturally I thought I would share this here.
> 
> I wrote it all in one sitting as you'll see it, here, edited only the once. But it will stay as a synopsis / treatment / not-fic / what-have-you.
> 
> Major spoilers for _Your Lie In April_ , the anime/film adaptation this is based on.

This is an AU where instead of gaming and programming, the boys' creative forte manifests in the form of performing/composing classical music.

Stefan had an early start in this field in life. His mother was a long-time piano teacher, and taught him everything she knew. Stefan learnt all the advanced piano pieces at a prodigal age because his mother believed in him. He got so good at it, he got a spot at the actual Royal School of Music in London, got to perform there as well as part of the summer programmes.

But, after Mum died, he stopped, dropped out of the junior classical musicians scene, and hasn't touched a piano since.

Still, he retained an interest in music and in the creative arts. He is a creative person and nothing can tamp that down, so when he hit 18, he graduated straight into Goldsmiths.

Colin is an aspiring violinist who was already attending the music programme there when Stefan joined the uni. Which, of course, Colin noticed; after all, Stefan's kind of known around town for winning all these national junior music competitions when he was younger, and being the youngest performer to have ever performed solo in a few famous music theatres in London.

Colin's gunning for a spot in the joint uni concert that is happening end of the summer term, and impulsively, he signs up to audition for a violin spot, even though it's a piece with piano accompaniment and he is supposed to bring his own accompanying pianist.

So the organising committee says to him, "You gotta find a pianist, kid."

Colin asks all his friends but all the pianists he knows are already fully booked for other commitments... But then, one day, while he's catching up with Kitty in the library, in that part of the library complex where you can talk out loud, discuss group projects, and sip cold beverages in, they cast their eyes about and land on none other than Stefan Butler himself.

Kitty nudges Colin, all "there's your solution", and Colin goes over to introduce himself.

Stefan's got his headphones on, lost to his surroundings because he is so immersed in the theory textbook he is trying to make sense of, he damn near jumps out his chair when Colin taps him on his shoulder.

They are actually in some classes together, but mostly just large lectures where they don't get to interact with each other. Still, Stefan recognises Colin because he's kinda stared at the dude a few times. His bleached blond hair is unforgettable and... Colin just looks damn good to Stefan.

So Colin isn't the best at making small talk, but manages to politely ask Stefan if he'll be interested in being Colin's pianist - not before attempting to butter Stefan up first with compliments about all the stories he's heard of Stefan's achievements, of course. However, the flattery achieves the opposite of Colin's desired effect. Instead of opening up the conversation, it kinda just makes Stefan shut down and say, "I don't do that anymore," snap his textbook shut and make to get up and leave the area.

Colin calls after Stefan. "Wait!"

Stefan pauses just long enough for Colin to keep talking. "Look, you don't have to play piano for the real concert alright, but I just need someone to practice this piece with, and everyone else is booked now... I'm sure I'll find someone else to sub in soon--" He's lying through his teeth-- "But the applications are closing tomorrow."

And Stefan kinda takes pity on Colin, seeing Colin, who is normally stony-faced when he sees him around campus, desperate enough now to actually plead with him. Very tentatively, Stefan says a muted "okay".

So the next few months they kinda just get to know each other as they meet up more and more.

The first time Colin brings Stefan to a piano ends disastrously. They are both sat on the bench, Stefan playing a few bars, kinda starts getting into it, when Colin tinkles with a few notes sort of experimentally in answer to the melody Stefan is playing, and Stefan freaks the fuck out, stutters some vague excuse before rushing off. He feels like his mother is in the room again, can almost feel the way she used to play next to his tiny hands - even though rationally the way Colin plays the piano is radically different, just getting into the flow of the music reminds Stefan enough of... before......

Stefan doesn't want to go near a piano again, but because they previously exchanged numbers over a coffee and tea (coffee for Colin, milky tea for Stefan), Colin manages to get in touch with Stefan and coaxes him to just... hang out. No pressures of hopping back onto the bench or anything.

Stefan starts feeling things for Colin. How effortlessly Colin handles the violin and makes music come to life on those strings, the way he'll squint a little at Stefan just before laughing softly at something Stefan said, and the night they just ambled aimlessly around the street where the pubs and bars are, and Colin had draped his jacket around Stefan's shoulder when he shivered because Colin was looking at Stefan too and paying attention.

They don't make it very far with practice when it's spring break already. Stefan is still easily anxious on the piano, and by this point Colin kinda started spending time with the boy just to see him.

Stefan goes home for the break and on a whim, asks if Colin would like to come along.

He shows Colin his childhood home in Brighton, and the room where he used to practice piano. Everything left untouched from the day his mother died, a thick sheet of dust coating the fabric that now covers the piano.... It feels like entering a mausoleum frozen in time.

Stefan floats over to the piano, very carefully lifts the drapery and the cover and plays a couple of arpeggios with one hand. He tells Colin about all of it, his mother being the reason he got into piano playing at all, this room being where she would teach him all she knew, the high hopes she had for him, and that last time he told her he hated practicing so much until his tiny fingers were cramping, threw some choice words in there too out of frustration, and the crestfallen look on her face that morning.

And then coming home from school that afternoon to hear the news that she'd been hit by a car and died on impact.

Colin is silent while Stefan unloads all of it, only rising from where he's sat on the chair to Stefan's side to take him into a hug when Stefan's done explaining everything.

Stefan lets Colin stay in the house for the week that he spends there. They bump into Peter at some point of course, and Stefan's polite, though not exactly close with him either. But Peter likes Colin, who's polite, and likes Colin even more when he learns that Colin is a violinist. Peter knows how much Stefan loved music as a child, and how much he's always struggled with a sort of survivor's guilt when it came to anything related to playing music, so he's sort of silently rooting for Colin to be a good influence on Stefan and help Stefan open up a bit more. Peter's not stupid of course, he notices when the boys open the piano room - it's left unlocked after they come out of it, so Peter in general just hopes Colin can get Stefan to cope and heal, and be able to sit at a piano again without having an anxiety attack.

And Colin actually does get Stefan to play on the piano some more. It's almost like telling Colin all of that helped him unburden some of the sadness he carries around when it comes to the piano, and seeing how passionate Colin is about this audition, knowing how much it means to Colin, makes Stefan want to try... for Colin...

It is then and there, when Stefan saunters into the piano room unbidden (Colin still snoring on the couch), properly uncovers the piano and plays an entire song without flinching, that he realises he loves Colin.

The night before they're due for the train back to London, they sneak out the house after dark down to the pier and kinda just walk along the boardwalk, hands almost touching but not quite. Somehow one thing leads to another, Colin dares him to go skinny dipping, and then they do. The midnight moon being the only illumination they have at this hour, glinting off of the frames of Colin's ridiculous grandma glasses, himself grinning back at Stefan unabashedly. Looking so silly, yet so magnificent at the same time. Stefan decides fuck it and jumps into the ocean after Colin.

Afterwards, when they walk back up the shore, the pads of their feet braving the shingle and rougher patches of sand, Colin feels some sort of emotion come over him and pulls Stefan in to plant a kiss onto Stefan's cheek, and Stefan returns with kisses right on the mouth.

Once back in London they get to work, booking themselves a room on campus to practice (which is easy because there's still 3 weeks of spring break left, and nobody really comes to campus during break). They practice almost 12 hours a day. Stefan's a natural, he gets back into the groove not long after they start.

It's magical when they play together, it feels like they just know each other so well that they can anticipate when the other slows down the tempo just slightly to exaggerate a certain bar, or exactly how softly the other's going to play the next section after a sudden diminuendo, and match that by playing just as softly in kind.

The last week of Spring break, Colin says he needs to head home and see his nan for the weekend - which isn't far, his parents and nan's house is basically just outside of London - technically part of Greater London, really. So Stefan waves Colin off at the train station, sort of going on tiptoes to give Colin a hug and a kiss, and then has to push Colin onto the train because Colin just wouldn't stop pulling Stefan in for another kiss, which would be a stupid reason for him to miss the train.

It's supposed to be a quick trip, but then the summer term starts, and.... Colin isn't back in London.

Stefan goes to the lectures, expecting to see Colin there, but Colin doesn't show up. He texts Colin, and gets nothing back for a whole day - unusual for these two, who've been talking and texting each other nonstop since that first day they hit it off. Stefan starts to get panicky, but he's been seeing a better therapist lately (again, because he wants to be good enough to play for Colin), so his therapy training kicks in and he sort of rationalises with himself, you know, it's only been slightly over 24 hours, Colin's a grown man, maybe he's caught up in something somewhere with poor reception...

But he does reach out to Kitty mid-week, and Kitty's like, "I don't know where Colin's gone either..." She knows as much as Stefan does.

And then finally, on Friday, Stefan gets a phone call from a number he doesn't know.

It's Colin's parents.

Turns out, Colin's in a hospital. Stefan's obviously really worried, and takes the first train out to visit Colin. When he gets there Colin's parents are there, they try to stop Stefan to explain to him what happened, but Stefan's not really listening, he just wants to see Colin. So then he bursts into the room Colin's staying in, and.... Colin's hooked up to all these machines that don't look like anything a small accident would warrant.

Colin comes clean about it, the fact that he used to have cancer when he was younger, and he'd thought he was cured when he got surgery that left him blind in one eye. But he's taciturn, almost reluctant in spilling all this to Stefan, and he's the saddest and most self-deprecating Stefan's ever seen him (which is never).

And then, out of nowhere, he's apologising. For dragging Stefan into all this, when Colin should've known when his tests came back earlier that spring that this relapse was gonna happen, yet somehow foolishly he still wanted to aim for that audition and concert, thinking he had more time... Because he thought, you never know with relapses, it might be his last year and he wanted to go out with a bang. But most of all, he's sorry for getting so close to Stefan and leading him on, making Stefan fall for him, because he also-- and he almost says it, but he doesn't, unwilling to hurt the boy anymore.

Stefan wants to put his own studies on hold and just spend every day with Colin at the hospital, but Colin forbids it, he wants to see Stefan succeed - knowing that now that Stefan's gotten back into piano playing, he's gonna go places.

Stefan reluctantly goes to his classes and goes through the motions, but he still goes out every weekend to visit Colin, just wanting to spend time with him even if they're just sitting in the hospital cafeteria together reading a comic that Stefan brought.

But on the weeknights, when Stefan's all alone in his student flat, plagued by thoughts about Colin's future, he will walk down to the arts centre and go into the piano room / dance studio there that's always open, and just tinker on the keys, always finding himself coming back to that piece he was going to perform with Colin. He finds, somehow, when he sits at the bench now, he no longer feels that anxiety that he used to feel, the anxiety that's associated with his memories of his mother. All the times he's spent at the piano with Colin on the violin two steps behind him, feels as if it happened just yesterday, and it fills him with a sort of determination.

It starts as a way for him to get out of his head, but soon enough, he finds himself visiting the piano studio to genuinely practice that piece. 

This will be his gift to Colin, he decides.

Then on, he keeps up with his studies well enough to pass his classes, has revision sessions with Kitty everyday, and goes to the exam halls to do his finals as usual. 

And then, it's the day of the audition.

He gets pre-performance jitters backstage, especially since he sticks out like a sore thumb in the queue among the pairs of pianists and violinists, and he's the only one there showing up solo. He also gets looks because he's _that_ kid, _the_ Stefan Butler that many people in his cohort had heard of when he used to ace every junior championship and perform in music halls around town. And now, finally, this is the first time anyone's seen him around any sort of recital or performance or show after so many years MIA.  

One by one, the musicians go on stage and perform the piece, until the queue clears up before him, and with a ding of the bell on his desk the judge calls out, "Colin Ritman."

Stefan walks onto the stage, violinist-less. In the audiences, Kitty sits with her phone set to record, and she flashes him a grin, holds up a thumbs-up encouragingly.

The judges are confused, but Stefan steps up to the mic and introduces himself, and the altered piece he's going to perform regardless. And it becomes very clear what he means by "altered" not long after he sets his fingers to the keys. He plays both parts, the piano sections and the violin sections, altered just so that he can manage it with just his two hands, yet retaining the depth and dimensions that make it sound like there are 2 people on the piano. The judges are impressed enough to settle in and listen to the rest of the performance.

Stefan lets the music possess him, thinks about how he's doing Colin proud and doing his mother proud (wherever she is, looking down at him), and pours all his love into his performance. Running up quick staccato scales with the same trepidation he felt all those weeks ago when he played a piano again the first time in years, the same butterflies in his chest when he kissed Colin on that Brighton beach, notes swelling and rising with the same hope Stefan held in his chest, and dropping at that sudden diminuendo to bring closure to the piece with the same resolve Stefan now feels.

Later, when the committee is deciding on the finalists for the setlist, they will look back at this performance as the best solo piano performance to come from Stefan Butler - and indeed, from any student of that university - in a long time.

 

**... epilogue ...**

Kitty sends the video to Colin, with Stefan adding on after the performance, talking straight to the camera, that he doesn't even care, no matter what happens, he loves Colin.

Colin's in the garden of the hospital when he receives the video. The performance moves him, as much as one can move Colin "always-unfazed" Ritman, and Stefan's confession has him smiling helplessly at his phone. He's in a wheelchair, it's been two weeks since the surgery, and the nurses said getting some fresh air would help with the convalescence. And Colin believes Stefan, as the British summer sun shines down on him through the leaves of a tree overhead. No matter what happens from now on, they'll face it together.


End file.
